The truth and stories that these paid child actors are telling and creating have gotten under some people’s skin.  Some say that these ads are just perpetuating the right for other children to bully the obese kids and that the ads aren’t solving the problem.  In the ads in themselves there are no solutions just children saying how they hate being bullied and have been diagnosed with scary diseases like diabetes and hypertension.  Okay, okay I admit these ads are sad and I can see where people are coming from with the harshness behind it, but my question is, why are we so sensitive to this issue?

The sad reality is that America has a huge (pun intended) obesity problem.  Adults and kids alike.  However, in Georgia alone (where the ads are being made and broadcast) the child obesity rate is  40%.  That’s almost half the child population in Georgia… one state… that’s it.  I’m sorry but this is a problem that we have to look at, we have to.  A short while back it was estimated that the generation after mine will be the first generation ever with a shorter life term expectancy than their parents.  The number one cause of that?  Obesity.  I understand the fear of bringing this problem to the light so drastically that it would have a cause and effect on bullying in school.  To me though, I’d rather we be focusing on a problem that should be fixed (that if fixed will ipso factso fix bullying issue) and save millions of kids’ lives now.

I was not a thin kid nor am I a thin adult.  I know what these kids go through.  I know what they are feeling, thinking and wondering.  Believe me that just because those are children actors it does not mean they do not feel what they are saying and unfortunatley, they were not hired and then made to wear a “fat suit”.  They were hired because they were obese.  For me, I am learning as an adult.  I took my health future in my hands.  I see parents with health problems, I see myself with good chances of getting health problems, and to all that I say no to my future kids. 

I refuse to have my kids go through teasing like I did.  I refuse to let them be concerned in their early twenties that they might loose me.  I refuse to let them grow up with grown up health problems because of the food and activity choices I made for them.  I refuse to let something overpower them without their consent.  I refuse all this because I made this decision from my own mind and opinion, not because of a TV ad.  So my question to you, are you going to be sensitive to an issue so huge it’s going to affect your children or grandchildren or are you going to look at it head on and say, “Not today, not tomorrow”?

I think it’s pretty simple what it means.  I live my life.  This past month I was hella busy.  I was in the Nutcracker Burlesque, working, planning Christmas parties for work, kicked out of our apartment (and given a month to find a new one and move), Christmas, New Years, and A LOT of hiccups in between.  I was talking with my man friend and he kept saying that he was going to be so happy when we stopped being so busy.  I felt the same way and then I realized, I’m always busy.  I remember in high school when my parents gave me a “mental health” day every semester because I was so overwhelmed.  Every now and then I take a mental health day still.  I wonder though if I really mind being busy all the time.

Thinking about it, I’d have to say no.  I like having things to do.  Believe me, I love me some lazy days home, but if those lazy days build up I get antsy.  I hunger for something to do.  I hate the stress that goes with being busy, but I love the fact that my life is jam packed.  I look back at this summer for example.  I was always on the run, but thanks to that I got to:

• Climb some of the most breath taking mountain points in New England and gaze at the stars by a campfire with the love of my life.
• I got to see and be part of two my best friends weddings (and they were both beautiful!).
• I worked long ass hours to help my job and in the end help further myself in my job.
• I decided to burst through a comfort bubble of living with my sister and got an apartment with a boy (cooties).
• I learned how to cook a kick ass bacon, egg and cheese sandwich on a Coleman stove.

I got to do all these things because I want to live my life.  I want my family and friends to be a priority in my life.  I want to work on and improve my relationship with my boy so we can one day have the life we want.  I want to work at my job so I can mold something I love.  I want to dance, period.  I want to love, laugh, cry, smile, help and be around as much as possible.  2011 may be gone, but that’s okay.  It was an amazing year and I literally have hundreds of photos to prove it.  Yeah, last year is done but I cannot wait to see how busy I can be this year. 

Everyone, EVERYONE at one point or another feels insecure about their looks for one reason or another.  If you are overweight or just a chubby person these insecurities can come out everyday.  I’m sure the slimmest person or most in shape person has the same body issues when they step out, but I’m neither one of those so I can’t speak for them.  I can only really speak for myself.  All I can really say is, it sucks.  It’s that simple.  Wanting to cry when you see that little belly roll in the mirror, cringing every time my boyfriend touches my stomach, watching people who eat healthfully do it with such ease.  Where are their cravings?  Where is the greasy days and the “I need sugar now!!” moments?  Why can’t I diminish those moments?

Thankfully, I’ve become more of those people who can look at a smorgishboard of food and go for the salad and only a half scoop of potatoes or green beans instead of sugar glazed carrots (I can’t believe this is a food item, but I digress).  I woke up one morning after working out for two months and looked at myself in the mirror and thought, “you can do better”.  My arms still jiggled when I brushed my teeth.  I was sucking my gut in whenever I looked in the mirror or had a picture taken.  My jowls still looked swollen.  I had been working out but it wasn’t doing what I needed it to.  I had to convince myself that I could do better because I HAD to do better.

If you know me, you will know that I love me some research.  Call it the geek side or OCD or what have you, but I love it.  I started to really research the best way to get healthy… for me.  I looked up all kinds of work outs, recipes, snacks, stories and thought processes to go along with it.  Oh, and I started watching The Biggest Loser, which is a great show!  Not only do I gain hope from it, I can see some great work out tips. 

I started to put more than my body into working out.  I put my mind into it.  I, myself put that healthy thinking into my head.  I physically missed working out on off days.  I crave veggies instead of candy but sometimes the candy still wins out.  I walk into a gym thinking “let’s see what you can do today” instead of “oh god, I could be eating/sleeping/working/tv watching/petting kitties right now” which is what I used to do every time I walked into the gym.  Since I started putting all of me behind getting healthy I’ve noticed more looks from people.  My boyfriend compliments the way I look much more now and I look in the mirror some mornings and I think to myself, “you’re so pretty” and  I really like that thought.

My beautiful sister Elisa sent me a link on Facebook about an open audition for a production put on by Vivid Motion called The Nutcracker Burlesque.  Yes you read that correctly.  A fun way to look at the much loved ballet the Nutcracker.  Take sensuality, rhinestone encrusted bras and ballet and you have the Nutcracker Burlesque.  The open audition was for anyone who wanted to have fun and didn’t mind a little shimy action.  At first I laughed it off and playfully thought what it would be like to have my family and friends see me in a burlesque show.  After the laughing and “what if” thinking stopped I started thinking “I should” and I did.

On September 11th I went to the audition.  My hair braided back, audition make up on and a leotard to suck me in.  My heart started beating a little faster as I filled out my audition sheet.  The thoughts of the choreographers looking at me and thinking, “this chica cannot dance much less do burlesque” raced through my mind.  I tried talking myself out of it but before I knew it I was on the floor warming up my legs.  Then someone started speaking and we as a group lifted up our arms to start a warm up.  The audition had started and so did the throw up in my throat (no worries I didn’t actually throw up on anything or anyone *thumbs up*).

Each choreographer did a section of the dance they were doing and we had to do that bit as our audition piece.  It varied from ballet, jazz, hip hop to Pussycat Dolls esque dancing.  The last one made me super nervous.  My whole life I’ve done ballet and I was about to step into a dance area that I’ve only done in front of the mirror at home…alone…with doors locked and curtians drawn.  I watched and learned the combination to “Pour Some Sugar on Me” and then I heard the words, “ok, I’m going to watch and have you guys do it”.  Showtime!

There was a part where on the floor you do a serious hair flip, body twist move.  I did it and a bobby pin went flying out of my haird because I flipped so hard.  As I rolled to the next step I yelled “oh sorry!” and I hear a choreographer say, “no it’s good!  Let them all fly!”.  I must say that made me feel a lot better.  Two days later I found out that not only had I made the show I was cast in five different parts.  I was so excited I told everyone at work that I was cast in a burlesque show.  Some took the news a little more awkwardly than others and then I began to realize, I was cast in a burlesque show, for serious.  

We had our first rehersals this weekend and I loved every minute of it.  I have bruises on my knees and my muscles hurt but I love it.  And ladies, I have never felt so confident in my life.  I haven’t actually taken any clothes off yet and I haven’t danced around in a bra and garder belt yet.  The thought is enough though.  Taking control of me and seeing for myself that I CAN give that “no, you come to me” look is possibly the best thing I’ve done.  I’ve gone from ballet to burlesque in the last week and honestly I don’t want to look back.  Of course I will always be a ballet girl, that’s in my blood.  But I’m pretty excited to say that for a little while I’m a burlesque girl too.

The science of PTSD still applies to these events. Something happens to you, you process it, your mind decides what it will do with said event and then your mind affects your next actions, thoughts and moods from that. How many life experiences have you had? How many would you like to forget? How many have you forgotten? How many enter your mind every morning when you wake up? There are a plethora of life events and for every one they are different. You can chalk it up to child hoods, parents, schooling, friends, family, so on and so on. The levels of life events are mind boggling.

For one person they don’t experience something life altering until they are into the mid to late 20′s. Others experience these events early on in childhood. For me my first life altering event was when I was eight. A woman from my family’s church passed away from cancer. I had known her my whole eight years and had grown very fond of her. She taught my sister piano and became a mentor and role model for her. To me she patiently tried to teach me piano and was nothing but kindness and the epitome of elegance and grace. She died and I was old enough to understand what was happening. I hated it. For me this was the beginning of  many life experiences that molded me and shaped me.

While I won’t go into all of them, I still have them tucked in my “not right now” pile, I will say this. I am 24 years old and I feel like I’ve had enough life experiences to last me a life time. I’ve loved and lost in more than one way. I’ve grieved and cried for friends taken away from this world far before their time. I’ve mourned family members that completed life’s journey. I’ve seen beautiful views from my back yard and I’ve taken risks that were worth taking. Yes, with every one of these experiences I’ve been changed from a little bit to… a lot bit. I learned that my family and friends will love me no matter what I do. I appreciate little things like groceries and heat. I’ve loved and been loved in return. I wake up every day with a purpose and go to bed every night knowing that when the sun comes up I have a reason to do the same.

As I was typing this it did seem dramatic and over the top. I’m only 24, how could I go through all this already? To be honest I’m not sure. There were some days in there that I wasn’t sure how things would come together and was terrified that I would just fall a part. I then realized that I had to let my life events change who I was for the positive. That with every action comes an equal and opposite reaction. With happiness comes sadness. With tears comes laughter. It’s a cycle and I can either accept it or go running for the hills. I can either accept the change that is a head of me or let my “not right now” pile become my whole life. Which way will you go? What change will you make?

Let’s take a trip back to when I was a young tyke. When my biggest bill was five imaginary cents for a mud pie. My job was making sure I brushed my teeth in the morning and at night. And my most dramatic relationship was between me and a boy in my class. Our biggest fight was over which Tonka truck to play with. Boy oh boy has time changed. These three areas of my life have changed drastically. A couple times over have they changed drastically. When I was in college my bills were actual bills. I had a job as an RA where other people actually relied on me. And my relationships have evolved past the Tonka trucks…although it feels much the same sometimes. So what about now? What about being a big girl has changed my priorities?

Well, let’s go through this methodically and logically… um… ok wait…. I can do this. Now that I’m a grown up my comfortable world of Tonka trucks and PJs to lunch are thrown out the window. I now have to ask my roommate if my pant/blouse combo goes together for work. My idea of play time is grabbing a beer at the bar, watching a movie and being in bed by 11 o’clock. Instead of looking at my pay check and being excited by the numbers, I start running through numbers in my head and figure out what has to be paid when. My priorities have changed a lot over the last couple years because I’ve changed over the last couple of years. Is it all bad though? Should I be upset that my priorities have changed? I say no!

True, I have an ulcer. True, some weeks Ramen Noodles and water are my dinners. True, I have to clean my own apartment. It is also true that I have the luxury of going home to my own apartment. It is also true that I can come and go as I please. And it is also true that I can decide what happens in my life. In order for all these things to happen in my life I first have to get my priorities straight. I had to realize that if I wanted an apartment to call my own I have to work for the money to pay the rent. If I want to go and do as I please I have to be responsible with my actions. And if I want to have real relationships in my life I have to take care of them and treat them with respect.

Priorities. A word that has brought fear to people and a sense or organization to others. A concept that seems so annoying at the age of 18 and a necessity after 21. It all sounds so complicated sometimes, but so simple at other times. “Get your priorities together”. Easier said than done? I guess it comes down to how much change you’re willing to face. Is that even a priority to you?

A fair question if you ask me. I’ve always thought that I would do well in the 1950-1960′s era. I love the clothes, attitudes and way of life. My one contingency on this is a woman’s role in the work place and at home. Now don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t mind Don Draper taking me over the desk, but I would mind being thought of as a baby and casserole making machine. While this show is on the cusp of this ideal, it still shows mostly woman who just put up with men thinking they are just objects. It’s such a different concept that it’s intriguing to us. The cat and mouse games of men and women. The fact the the biggest fear for most women was to be a divorcee with kids. That the American Dream was the norm and single parent kids with working moms was the the exception.

When I was five I told a boy I liked him. He didn’t reciprocate so I punched him. When I was 16 and told a boy I liked him and he said he liked me too. Names were drawn on notebooks and silly daydreams of running through fields would go through my mind. When I was 22 I thought I was in love with a boy and pretty much bent over backwards to show that I could be “the perfect girl”. Someone he would want to marry and have kids with. The problem with that is, it wasn’t me. Growing up I always wanted to get married and have children. Being a wife and mom is the greatest job you can have. But I need things on the side. Not Don Draper side dishes, but hobbies, friends and a career.

I was brought up with the “you can do anything and be whoever you want” attitude. I had a Fisher Price doctor’s kit but I also had a kitchenette set. It wasn’t until this last year that I saw how much my relationships and myself have changed over the last five years or so. I’m becoming a big girl with a job and everything. I’m beginning to figure out what I want in life. I dated a boy last year and fit my life to that relationship and that didn’t work out because my life couldn’t be based around that relationship anymore. Now I’m dating someone where we’re both shaping our relationship around our lives. We are apart of each other’s lives, not a part of each other’s lives. I have to be honest, it’s a really nice change.

Relationships, values, morals, men, women, work places, society, it all changes. We all change either collectively or individually. There’s nothing wrong with that. Some change is good. Some change is hella scary and some change is needed. It’s what we do with this change that makes the difference. It’s when we figure out if this is something we need and want in life. Change isn’t a bad thing, it’s part of growing as a person. How have you changed? Has it been welcomed or a fight from the beginning?

I, Amy S. Doucette am not in college anymore. I admit it freely. I have been free of all nighters, ulcer inducing tests and RA rounds every week for two and a half years. I now have a 45-50 hour a week job, teaching dance, rent to make, student loans to pay, friends to see, family to care for, boy to pay attention to, unpacking and to round it all off keep myself sane. I will say that if this was the most stressful situation I’ve dealt with, I’d be lying. A lot has happened in my life and I know I’ve only spun the wheel in the game of LIFE only a few times. I know that if I want to rack up those little LIFE cards and want to fill my car I’ll have spin the wheel plenty of more times. The only thing I’m concerned with is, am I ready? Am I ready for the changes ahead?

I’ve never been good with change. I am one of those people who likes a schedule and sticking to said schedule. I don’t like surprises of the unappetizing nature and I don’t always fly by the seat of my pants. I’ve spoken with people who have a few more turns with the LIFE wheel under their belts. I’ve heard the same thing over and over really. Change, the future and life’s surprises don’t give a rat’s ass about my comfort level. In fact it thrives on an uncomfortable vibe. This makes me stress out and worry that maybe things won’t go the way I’ve planned and I’ll have to throw the schedule out the window along with my own play book on life. Times are changing… crap.

As I sit here my lovely iPod is even in on this thinking and through shuffle The Beatles “Let it Be” came on. Ok John, Paul, George and Ringo I get it. I can’t control everything and whether I want it to or not times are changing. My time is changing. I’m transitioning to big girl pants and I can’t cry over spilled beer anymore. I’m getting older and with that comes different life choices and priorities. I can’t whine and expect other people to take care of my problems. I need to understand that I can’t do it all with a smile on my face. Hell, I can’t do it all… period. Give and take needs to enter my vernacular because times after all, are changing.  How are you?

It happened last week. I walked past my gym bag again in the morning, I got greasy eggs and home fries for breakfast and I just went home after work and sat on my butt instead of going to the gym. I would just sit there and watch The Office and do nothing. On Saturday my roommate and I went to Target to go shopping for a few things. While we were there I decided that I would try on a couple bathing suits and a sun dress. I was standing there looking in the mirror, tears forming in my eyes, sweat on my brow. I had hit my breaking point. In a Target dressing room ready to burst into tears, I had hit my breaking point with my big butt.

I got out of the dressing room and thought a step further. It was the end of May… next June… then July… I’m going to North Carolina in July. I am getting so close to my goal date that a slight bit of panic set in. Am I going to look the way I wanted for my trip? How many calories can I survive on a day? Can I just live in the gym? Ridiculous thoughts that won’t help anyone or anything. Obsessing over loosing weight is as affective as the last three attempts to fix the BP pipe. Useless. So what’s the point? What’s the point of a breaking point? It seems so easy to get there. It takes a shopping trip to Target to realize it.

Is it really that easy though? I had these great aspirations to trim down and tone up since January. January. That was five months ago. Where am I now? Pants that I bought last month are a little tight, my shirts aren’t fitting the way the used to in a bad way and I’m just more tired all the time. I found out that my breaking point wasn’t easy to get to. It took effort. Effort to convince myself that not going to the gym would be fine. Effort to go get take out instead of cooking. Effort to get the cheeseburger at restaurants instead of a salad. Getting to this breaking point was a project in itself. But you know the secret to breaking points? The silver lining is that you learn something from them.

I learned that I can take my breaking point and turn it into my epiphany moment. My moment of clarity. My moment, mine. We all have breaking points, it’s what we do with these breaking points that define us. Have you ever had a breaking point? Have you ever taken a breaking point and turned it into your Oscar moment? Don’t let these points take the best of us, let them make the best of us. Who knows maybe after a few breaking points they won’t be a deal breaking moment but a deal making moments.

When we were younger we got into our spats like most siblings do. “That’s my matchbox car” “No that’s my matchbox car, yours has flames on the side”. That did not get in the way of our relationship though. Elisa always protected me and was there for me in every way. When I clearly did something wrong and was on the path for a grounding Elisa was the first one to chime in why it wasn’t technically my fault and why I shouldn’t get into trouble. Our mom still tells the story of when I was a year old and Elisa would take me from my crib and put me in her bed surrounded by pillows.  She’s always been my rock.

Elisa is one of those people that will never judge you for the decisions you make or the things you say. She like one of her favorite authors, may not agree with what you have to say but will fight to the death for the right for you to say it. She is amazing. Elisa has become one of the most successful 30 year olds I have ever met and had the privilege of knowing. While she doesn’t always think it, she is greatly successful in many aspects. She is a huge player in the AFO at an insurance company, she is literally a nationally syndicated blogger and she has a column with mainetoday.com about dating and relationships and is hitting it out of the park.

This girl has a group of friends who love her like nobody’s business. I think it’s because Elisa showed them love first. She is the first to call people when something goes wrong in their life or the first to pop open a bottle of champagne to celebrate a milestone. She listens and has one of the biggest hearts I’ve ever encountered. When I was little I put Sun In in my hair because Elisa did it first. I learned to play the piano (a poor attempt) because Elisa did first. I learned to be a strong independent woman because Elisa did it first.

Ask anyone and they’ll tell you that Elisa Doucette is a kick ass chick who knows what she wants from life. She’ll tell you that above and beyond anything that love and understanding will win out the day. She’ll have beer and fried pickle chips with you while discussing world politics and what the best roster for the Red Sox is. Elisa is amazing, beautiful and inspirational all around. So here’s to tomorrow when we celebrate the anniversary of an amazing addition to the world. Happy 30th Birthday Elisa!! You are 30 flirty and fabulous and I’ll kick anyone’s ass who says otherwise Love you Paco de Taco!!