Times Are Changing

You’re so pretty

For years I’ve been told, “you’re so pretty”.  Believe me, I am not complaining about being called pretty.  That would be ridiculous.  I’ve never been the girl to look in the mirror and step back in horror, well I might have after being sick for a week straight and stopped using a brush, but I have looked in the mirror before and thought “you could be better”.  Now before everyone freaks out with “what?!  You are pretty, who would lie about that?  You are perfect the way you are etc etc”.  I do appreciate it when people say this but the thing is, I can do better.

Everyone, EVERYONE at one point or another feels insecure about their looks for one reason or another.  If you are overweight or just a chubby person these insecurities can come out everyday.  I’m sure the slimmest person or most in shape person has the same body issues when they step out, but I’m neither one of those so I can’t speak for them.  I can only really speak for myself.  All I can really say is, it sucks.  It’s that simple.  Wanting to cry when you see that little belly roll in the mirror, cringing every time my boyfriend touches my stomach, watching people who eat healthfully do it with such ease.  Where are their cravings?  Where is the greasy days and the “I need sugar now!!” moments?  Why can’t I diminish those moments?

Thankfully, I’ve become more of those people who can look at a smorgishboard of food and go for the salad and only a half scoop of potatoes or green beans instead of sugar glazed carrots (I can’t believe this is a food item, but I digress).  I woke up one morning after working out for two months and looked at myself in the mirror and thought, “you can do better”.  My arms still jiggled when I brushed my teeth.  I was sucking my gut in whenever I looked in the mirror or had a picture taken.  My jowls still looked swollen.  I had been working out but it wasn’t doing what I needed it to.  I had to convince myself that I could do better because I HAD to do better.

If you know me, you will know that I love me some research.  Call it the geek side or OCD or what have you, but I love it.  I started to really research the best way to get healthy… for me.  I looked up all kinds of work outs, recipes, snacks, stories and thought processes to go along with it.  Oh, and I started watching The Biggest Loser, which is a great show!  Not only do I gain hope from it, I can see some great work out tips. 

I started to put more than my body into working out.  I put my mind into it.  I, myself put that healthy thinking into my head.  I physically missed working out on off days.  I crave veggies instead of candy but sometimes the candy still wins out.  I walk into a gym thinking “let’s see what you can do today” instead of “oh god, I could be eating/sleeping/working/tv watching/petting kitties right now” which is what I used to do every time I walked into the gym.  Since I started putting all of me behind getting healthy I’ve noticed more looks from people.  My boyfriend compliments the way I look much more now and I look in the mirror some mornings and I think to myself, “you’re so pretty” and  I really like that thought.


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